Five Times Sam Winchester Felt Invisible (And one time he didn't)
by colorfulworld1234
Summary: Just what the title says. :) Warnings: wincest Disclaimer: I don't own supernatural, I simply borrow the characters. I don't make any profit from this story. Beta credit goes to ChristineNicoleBlack. Thank you sooooo much for beta-ing it! :) PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!


**~1~**

"Look Dean!" Sam yelled in excitement. "Made you pwesent!"

Nine year old Dean, half asleep on the couch, didn't respond. Sam looked at his big brother for a few moments before calling his name again. Dean still didn't respond. Sam's eyes started watering.

"Deeeeeaannnnnnn!" he whined. Sam sat down next to his older brother's still figure on the couch. Dean slowly opened his eyes and looked wearily at Sam.

"Dean, made you pwesent!" Sam said, and started waving the paper on which had made a stick figure drawing of his brother asleep on the couch.

"Sammy, just let me sleep," Dean murmured before turning his back on his little brother and closing his eyes again. Sam looked at his brother's back for a moment before breaking into tears.

Instinctively, Dean was up and at Sam's side in a second.

"Sammy, whassit?" Sam tried to make coherent speech but he couldn't manage between the sniffles. Dean's arm came up instantly to wrap around his brother's tiny shoulders, his other hand wiping the tears on his cheeks. Sam's face felt feverish. Too hot.

"Shh, it's okay," Dean cooed between Sam's loud sniffles.

Sam turned and cried into his brother's chest. Dean soothed him until the tears stopped, slowly easing the young boy onto the couch as he started to drift off. Dean sat down and put his arms around Sam.

"Love you, Dean," he whispered.

"Right back at you, kiddo."

**~2~**

It's not that Dean never paid attention to Sam. It's just that, sometimes, Sam just felt invisible to Dean.

Dean had just turned sixteen and gotten his drivers' license. He would usually be busy running errands for Dad, or screwing any random, ready and willing half drunk teenage slut in the backseat of the Impala.

But Dad was out on a hunt. It was Friday and Sam had completed all his homework so he could spend the weekend with Dean. He had made plans for movies and pizza when he saw Dean putting on his signature leather jacket and grab the car keys.

"What are you doing?"

"Going out," Dean muttered.

"Out where?"

"On a date." His voice held the tone that he was expecting to get some and Sam was just being an annoying little brother.

"Oh," The younger Winchester mumbled. "Okay." As much as the words stung Sam, he said them because he didn't want to be a hurdle in Dean's happiness. "Have fun."

"Oh, don't worry," Dean said with a wink and a grin. "I will." And he eased himself out the door.

Sam watched two movies and ate the pizza that Dean must have bought for him before going out, ripping off the short note that was so obviously Dean's messy scrawl without even bothering to read it.

As he watched the insignificant movie come to it's oh so predictable happy ending, he cried. Cried because he knew Dean didn't see him anymore. Cried because he knew all Dean saw him was a some pain in the ass responsibility. And Sam would just have to accept that.

**~3~**

Dean and Dad were on another hunt. And they had left a sixteen year old Sam to himself in the crappy apartment that they had rented.

Sam knew that Dean loved hunts. He knew that there was nothing more Dean liked more than that adrenaline rush, but Sam still felt hurt and angry that Dean had left even after Sam pleaded with him to stay. "You'll be alright, Sammy," he had said before stalking off to the Impala. He had glanced back _once_, and then drove off.

Sam was well aware that if his family found out about this, he was going to get in serious trouble. But he didn't care much when his heart was aching and his brain swimming in alcohol. He had called a classmate from American History Honors class over.

Sam knew that James has had a thing for him since the day they met. And Sam had to admit, the guy wasn't bad looking; Strong, dark features. Sam had called him over and things got messy and somehow Sam ended up pushing his dick into the guy's ass.

James moaned as Sam increased his speed and began pounding into this near stranger even faster. His ass worked around Sam's dick as he came, pushing Sam over the edge. Sam came with a screamed named.

Later, when he was lying on the bed, naked with a guy, Sam wondered how long he had felt this… _thing_ for Dean. He wondered how long he has been in love with his brother. He knew that Dean didn't see him that way. And he wondered if he would ever get over him.

**~4~**

Dean was sitting at the kitchen table when Sam came back. He spotted the half empty bottle in Dean's hands, and knew without asking that this was not the first bottle Dean had emptied since Sam had stormed out, enraged after the apocalyptic fight with their father.

"Hey," Sam whispered as he sat down in the chair next to Dean. His brother didn't respond, but took another sip and set the bottle down, staring at it. There was a drop on his full pink lips and despite the situation, Sam's cock gave an interested twitch. He shifted in his chair, and widened his legs to make room for his rapidly hardening dick when Dean licked the drop with his tongue. The yellow flood of the overhead light was catching in Dean's hair and softening his rough edges.

"Dean," Sam said again, trying to call his brother out of this drunken stupor. No reply. He tentatively touched his brother's left hand where it was placed on the tabletop. Dean jerked back.

"Don't. Touch me," Dean growled. Despite the sharp and painful rejection running through him, Sam knew he deserved it. All his brother ever wanted was their family to be together and Dean had been cooling the tempers of both Dad and Sam ever since Sam knew enough to start rebelling against their father. And now Sam was leaving and Dad had told him right out that if he leaves now, he shouldn't come back. And as much as Sam hated leaving Dean, he knew he had to. If he didn't, the sick feelings he has for his brother would be impossible to overcome.

"Okay. I won't touch you. But, Dean, can we talk? Please?"

"I'm drunk. Fuck off!" Dean snapped. Sam had to swallow the lump in his throat before saying, "Dean, I'll call, okay? Or write, and we can meet up-"

"No, thanks," Dean muttered angrily and got up, pushing his chair back and scraping the wood against the dirty floor, running out the door.

Sam sat there, staring at the door as it slammed behind Dean. In a few moments, he heard the familiar rumble of the Impala pulling away from the cabin.

**~5~**

Sam watched as John drove off. It was difficult letting the father they've been tracking down for so long go. But it was even more difficult to watch Dean's heartbroken expression as he struggled with the fact that his father had left him. Again. Sam knew that John wanted them to be safe, but that piece of knowledge was insignificant to the pile of things Sam didn't understand.

But he also knew that Dean was taking that the wrong way. Sam knew that Dean was thinking that their father had left because Dean was not good enough.

Sam didn't know how to comfort his brother, make him believe that it wasn't his fault. He wasn't weak. Kissing Dean would be a good start, but he didn't know if Dean would take it in a good way. And Sam was sure that if he lays one on his brother now, he'd just end up with a punch to his face.

He thought about pulling Dean in for a hug, but he was sure that Dean would take that bad, too. So he was left with one option. He placed a hand on his brother's shoulder and waited for a response. Dean didn't respond, and it struck him like a punch in his gut that his brother wasn't aware of the touch.

Sam was invisible again. Dad was more important to Dean than Sam, and he jerked his hand back as if he just touched a hot iron. The impact made Dean stumble a bit and brought him out of his thoughts.

Sam rapidly blinked away the tears that threatened to spill out of his eyes and turned his back on Dean.

"Sam?" Dean's voice was low, but concerned.

"I'm fine. Let's go," he said curtly and stalked toward the shotgun seat of the Impala. Dean followed, and sat in the driver's seat.

Sam gave his brother his back and rested his head on the window. He closed his eyes and waited for Dean to start the engine, eager for the roar of the Impala to drown out his thoughts.

**~6~**

Dean stumbled inside the motel room, supported by Sam. As soon as they were inside, Sam slammed the door behind them, shielding them from prying eyes. Dean had come easily enough, considering Sam had hauled him out of Bobby's house and sat him down in the Impala, driving at breakneck speed until he found a decent motel.

Dean had been limp and half drunk and easily accepted Sam's manhandling.

Sam strode forward until he was right in Dean's space. His brother started to back away. Sam followed until Dean was pressed against the wall. Sam placed his hands on Dean's hips to prevent his brother from escaping.

"Sam, what are you doing?" Dean whispered, his voice husky as he looked at Sam. Sam didn't answer. Instead, Sam leaned in and pressed his lips to his brother's. It was a chaste kiss. Only to show Dean what Sam was really after. Dean turned his head away and Sam felt that sharp pang of rejection again, but this time he wasn't going to let it get the best of him.

"Sam-" but Dean's words were cut off as Sam pressed his lips to Dean's again. This time it was less tentative and more demanding. He swept his tongue over Dean's, but Dean refused to yield. He pressed his lips harder, almost bruising and added a little teeth to the kiss. He bit on his brother's lips gently. After a few moments when Dean still refused to yield, Sam pressed his hand on the rapidly hardening bulge in his brother's jeans. Dean brought his hands up to Sam's chest and pushed. Sam, having the upper body strength, captured Dean's wrists in the hand that wasn't pressed on his brother's concealed cock and pinned them above his head.

Dean grunted and tried to pull away and Sam let him. But Sam didn't remove his hand from his brother's cock.

"Sam, we can't do this. It's wr-wrong," Dean gasped out.

"Says who? The guy who just sold his soul? What the hell were you thinking, Dean?" Sam had to fight back the tears that were threatening to break through.

"I just could-… I-I can't live wit-without you, Sammy."

"Have you ever thought that the feeling goes both way, Dean?"

Silence.

"Oh, God," Sam said, dropping his hands and backing away. "I-… I'm so sorry."

Sam looked at his brother writhing against the wall and the tears finally spilled out of his eyes. God, he couldn't do this to his brother. Not when it was clear Dean didn't want it.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have touched-… I'm so sorry."

Sam turned away. He was hard as a rock from looking at his brother like this. He was going to go in the bathroom and jerk off.

He had just started to walk when Dean's hand-gentle and tentative-landed on his and nudged him to turn around. Sam did.

Dean was looking at him with so much passion and love and fuck, heat in his brother's greengreengreen eyes that Sam was compelled to stare.

"Sam-" his brother whispered. "This is wrong-"

"I know. I'm sorry."

"No, let me finish," Dean said and his tone was final. Sam braced himself for a 'no' that Dean was surely going to give him.

"This is wrong. We're brothers, Sam. You're my baby brother. I'm supposed to protect you, not-not fuck you. But," Dean swallowed before continuing, "But I understand that you're a grown man. And I only have one more year left. So if you want this- if _we_ want this, then… Then we'll do it."

Sam stood, shocked. "What?"

"I said let's do this, Sam. Fuck everything else." Dean pulled Sam in for a tentative kiss. Sam moaned and deepened the kiss and slowly leading them to the bed.

Later, when they were lying in bed, Sam tightened his arms around Dean. _His_ Dean. He whispered, "I love you."

"Right back at you, Sammy," Dean whispered just as softly.


End file.
